If I have learned anything during my short time as a mother of two girls it is that it is not effective to ask them why they are crying. First of all, they probably don't know. Secondly, even if they do know, it probably won't make sense anyway. When they are crying or are just generally upset I say to them in my very calm yoga voice:
"Girls. Let's breathe." (We inhale, we exhale).
Then holding my hands together in front of me, palm to palm, I say: "Now, let's find our center."(There is a moment of silence).
Well they usually stop crying or whatever it was they were doing. I don't know if they actually find their center or are just trying to figure out what the heck I am talking about.
So, the other day my oldest was on her bed crying a little bit. She looked at me and said: "Mom.(sniff)I think I need (sniff). To find(sniff). My center (sniff).
She inhaled, she exhaled and then patted herself on the chest, looked at me and said. "Okay I feel better now."
Who knew???
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Yes, I wonder if we might have avoided all kinds of cosmic meltdowns if only we had been taught earlier to find our centers.
I have also adopted a phrase from Son's teacher: "This isn't working for me."
I used this phrase yesterday when he was throwing a fit. Son admitted that his behavior "wasn't working" for him either.
We may be getting somewhere.
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